“I want to eat your pussy.”
Standing there, in the elevator, somehow trapped, I looked in the eyes of my host, my brows knitted.
I pushed against the wall of the elevator as if I wanted to escape the place. The thoughts were rushing through my mind, dissolving in a big blurred smudge.
´I want to eat your pussy.´ The words were resonating in my head like a huge bell that wouldn’t stop banging.
My stomach squirmed.
What do I do now? Do I shout? Run? Laugh? Call the police? Kick him in the balls?
A dead silence emerged in the elevator for 5 seconds. Breath in – Exhale. I decided to stay diplomatic.
“What the hell, Saed..?!” I gasped out.
He looked closely in my eyes and all at once, he seemed really disappointed.
“Never mind, forget it… I thought you maybe… oh, just let it go.” He stammered. I kept looking at him, utterly shocked. “I am sorry. I thought you might be interested. I just didn’t want to miss my chance.”
I could barely believe what I just heard.
“Oh my god, Saed! Even if I was interested in you, which for Jesus Christ I wasn’t, you just cannot tell a girl you want to eat her pussy! It is disrespectful and nasty!”
He looked at me, a guilt in his eyes. “I just don’t know any other way how to tell it.”
A part of me was unbelievably gazing at him with the jaw dropped down, while another part of me somehow started laughing inside.
So I have traveled around the world, lived with people of different nations, religions, and races, and yet I had never experienced such a situation in my life. My friendliness and kindness were somehow misinterpreted for a sexual attraction, and so I was here, standing in the elevator, being offered an oral sex by a man I just had met, and could not believe how in world this might be possibly happening.
The story about horny Saed ended quite well. He deeply apologized, I gave him a little lesson about how to handle communication with girls and we decided to forget all about it.
However, going through this experience made me think of the fact, that many times, when doing Couchsurfing, there were funny, happy, sad or bizarre situations, absurdness of which I realized just after they were gone, and I thought you might be interested in sharing them.
1. Be careful while picking your hosts. Many positive reviews absolutely do not ensure your host will be sane. Psychopaths can be also quite lovely and charming people, before they stab you, drag you out of the house, and bury you in the forest.
2. Sometimes, Couchsurfing can get an unexpected meaning of sleeping on the leaky air mattress on the floor surrounded by cockroaches and spiders, especially when your destination is an exotic country. Sleeping bag is a great option how to get some privacy from any undesired night-time visitors (insect, or the host :D).
3. If your host proposes to “bring you to a party on his boat” after he drunk a bottle of rum, start preparing your funeral.
4. If your host scans your body with his eyes while you are brushing your teeth, poke him in the eye with the toothbrush.
5. An answer to the question: “Do you want to sit on my bed?” should always be “No”, even if your host really seems to care deeply about your comfort.
6. If you come to your hosts place just to find out you are supposed to sleep on one couch with 5 other people, run.
7. If you also see pentagrams all around the place, run.
8. If you break the toilet bowl accidentally hitting a massive ancient iron candleholder on the shelf – well, buy a new toilet – and then run. (And no fun, this indeed happened to me and my exboyfriend once in London – followed up by an amazing city tour with a toilet carried around in the double- deckers. Absolutely priceless.)
And a final advice for all young travelers who find the Couchsurfing experience exhilarating and amazing – it absolutely is. You will meet people from different backgrounds with amazing and unique life stories and you will make unforgettable memories and learn more than you ever could sitting in front of the TV in a fancy hotel. Just know that there are people out there who might see the things differently.
On my journeys, I have met the loveliest and warmest people as well as religious fanatics, psychopaths, Casanovas, emotional wrecks and many others, who might be potentially harmful to your young and trusting adventurous self.
Don’t wanna sound like your momma, but you know how it goes: “Better safe than sorry” 🙂